31-year-old son refuses to eat with sheltered mom who asks for 'ferret sauce' at a Mexican restaurant: 'I think she comes off as ignorant and I get so embarrassed'

Is mispronouncing something grounds to be cut off?

We all have someone in our lives who just gets words wrong. Their brains are not good at understanding and repeating hard-to-learn words, and they've found their way around it thus far. Maybe they struggle with words that come from different origins, or words that are deeply unfamiliar to them. This is not a crime. It can be frustrating, sure. Who hasn't been embarrassed by someone mispronouncing something? And who hasn't mispronounced something and embarrassed the people you're with? It's part of being human, and it doesn't mean that we're bad people. If we choose to remain ignorant in spite of other people teaching us, then that's our fault. We should always be open to learning and changing. But if you just can't help it, you can't be blamed. 

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  • An older woman sits at the bar at a restaurant
    via Centre for Ageing Better

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Am I in the wrong for refusing to dine with my mom after she ordered "ferret sauce" at a Mexican restaurant?

    I'm a 31M and my mom "Debbie" is early 60s F. Debbie is a very sheltered person for lack of a better word. She's never left our state and rarely even leaves my hometown. Imagine the kind of white lady who thinks ranch is spicy, that's my mom Debbie.
    via Practical-Current805
  • Well, she and I go to dinner a couple times per month. Debbie surprisingly likes Mexican food. But she always egregiously mispronounces words and embarrasses herself. For example, she says "tortilla" like it rhymes with "Manila", "chipotle" like it rhymes with "bottle," and "tamale" like it rhymes with
    via Practical-Current805
  • "pale." There are other examples too, but that's all I can think of off the top of my head. Last weekend, we went to one of our favorite local places. They have a platter with mole sauce that she likes, but she often forgets the word. She asked the waiter for "ferret sauce", and he couldn't figure out she wanted. She said "it's a small
    via Practical-Current805
  • animal like a groundhog, but I don't remember." She meant mole (moh-lay), which I guess she mispronounces as mole like the animal. Well because of that, I don't want
    via Practical-Current805
  • to go out to "non-American" restaurants with her anymore. I think she comes off as ignorant and I get so embarrassed. WIBTA if I told her to try harder to pronounce things appropriately, or else I won't go with her anymore?
    via Practical-Current805

  • When you were young, you might have been mortified by everything your parents did or said. You cringed every time they made a bad joke to a server or shared a personal piece of information about you to a stranger. It's a rite of passage as a young person. As soon as you start to gain self-awareness, you start to think about all the ways it reflects back on you. All the things you wish you could change about the people who brought you into this world. But that tends to get better with time. As you grow up and spend less time with your parents, you might start to be charmed by their quirks. You relish those dad jokes made to unsuspecting waitresses. Because that's your dad, and he's allowed to make dad jokes. Everything tends to feel a little smaller as you grow up. But that's not what happened in this story. In this story, an adult son hadn't grown out of his embarrassment toward his mother. She kept mispronouncing things, and he couldn't take it any longer. Instead of being patient with her and trying to move through it, he wanted to write her off completely. Keep scrolling for the details of the story and see if you think it was justified.

  • Commenters gave their takes on the situation.

    Owngirlie YTA. It's a clueless mom moment, not a hate crime. Ferret sauce is actually hilarious, just translate for her and enjoy the tacos. You're 31, stop acting like a teenager embarrassed by their parents. One day you'll wish you were grabbin' chibottles with her.
    via Owngirlie
  • An older woman sits at a table with a companion
    via Centre for Ageing Better

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • ApolloniusTyaneus I think she comes off as ignorant She is ignorant but so what? Maybe tell her how to pronounce things correctly instead of judging her for not intuitively knowing how to pronounce foreign words?
    via ApolloniusTyaneus
  • Niborus_Rex YTA. She's old and doesn't know better, and you're making a mountain out of a ferret hill. She said something wrong and a little. embarrassing, she didn't smoke bomb the place while yelling slurs.
    via Niborus_Rex
  • burton614 I must be the only one who feels Debbie is disrespectful. She can put effort into pronouncing things correctly, she chooses not to and it is r de and distasteful to the heritages these words originate from. ETA NTA
    via burton614
  • PutAdministrative206 I was a waiter. People mispronounce a lot of things they order. It does not matter to the staff at all. You want a glass of mer- LOT? You got it buddy. You want a glass of champagne where you pronounce the G? Drink up!
    via PutAdministrative206
  • Sorry, but YTA here. Help her learn the pronunciations or just sigh and laugh with the waiter.
    via PutAdministrative206
  • LalaLogical Info- is she saying it in a disrespectful manner, or is she genuinely trying? Why not help her with her pronunciation?
    via LalaLogical
  • heshtios My spouse and I are from two different countries. When my spouse met my gran, my gran couldn't pronounce their name properly, but they always tried to pronounce their
    via heshtios
  • name properly. Gran always engaged them in conversation, asked for and about them. She genuinely cared, but was on her 80s and couldn't handle words or names different from the ones she's used to.
    via heshtios
  • The key thing here is she tried she put in the effort. If your mum is trying, I would say YTA. If you or the staff have repeatedly tried to educate her and she remains h I bent on mispronouncing, then NTA.
    via heshtios
  • AlltheFerns YTA. Maybe part of the reason she has sheltered herself is because she is treated poorly by her loved ones when she tries to branch out.
    via AlltheFerns
  • If your mom thinks ranch is spicy but is going to Mexican restaurants with you, she is trying to spread her wings. Be kind, help her out, don't be judgmental or shaming. Why is making her feel small so you can be superior even an option?
    via AlltheFerns
  • ThickOne689 Feels like this is more about your embarrassment than her actual behavior at restaurants.
    via ThickOne689
  • PurpleMuskogee YTA. So what she's ignorant? She's willing to try new things, how is she supposed to learn how to pronounce things if she can only go somewhere with all- American food?
    via PurpleMuskogee
  • Listen-to-Mom YTA Why didn't you speak up when she said ferret? Have you told her how the words are pronounced? I heard a grown woman pronounce potpourri as pot- pour-ee. She obviously never heard it pronounced correctly. Give people some grace.
    via Listen-to-Mom
  • Specialist_Emu7274 You wouldn't be the al h le to tell her to try harder with pronunciation. Some people struggle with it more than others, especially as you said she is 'sheltered' which probably makes it harder. It took me a while to get my
    via Specialist_Emu7274
  • mum to be able to pronounce mojito properly. The ferret sauce honestly sounds like she completely forgot the name rather than the pronunciation to be honest. I think you would be an a h le to refuse to go to restaurants because of it, it doesn't sound malicious.
    via Specialist_Emu7274

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